Scared silly

I feel like a lot of things I can go into feeling confidant but this Marathon has definitely had me scared silly. I am much more terrified this year than last year. I am not sure if it is because I don't have my partner in crime to run half of it with me, because I feel old and slow, because I know how hard of work it is or what. Sitting here 3 days before I am sweating bullets and having major anxiety about what I should wear-weather wise, what is going to be comfortable, should I take my inhaler with me or not, at what mile am I going to take gu, what should I have for a light breakfast, will I get good rest, can I do this,what headphones should I wear, if it rains will the family decide to ditch me (who wants to sit in rain for almost  4 hours), Is Rylan going to hate me because I am missing her spring performance? So many things to think about.

 I guess I feel like the pressure is on because I did pretty good last year and I know I am not physicallyin the same shape this year.
Being a smaller race I am hoping to put some of my jitters behind and really focus every mile on form, pace, breathing, my life. I am praying for a miracle and that I can complete this feeling satisfied-but what is satisfied??????? oh goodness. I did read somewhere that you should have 3 plans going into a race. 1. pace time for if weather is bad, storm, your body is crap...2. pace time for what you would like to be around and 3. pace time for your goal-whether it's a PR or just to not be injured. I am making those plans as we speak, or as I write. So I think I am going to attempt 4:18 if bad conditions, 4:00 for what I want to be around and 3:50 to beat my PR. Now that I have it in writing lets see how it goes. I plan on throwing 26 negative thoughts out the window of different excuses I murmur when I run and I am not going to use them once they are thrown out at the race again.

If I stop and shed a few tears along the way, It's ok right????? MOMMY (that is my friends favorite thing to say when struggling and I use it often now-or HEAVEN HELP US)

I'll let you know if I survive or not in a few days.